Of course it's been some time...

So my foster daughter stopped by today for a brief visit. It was very heart warming to see her. I miss her in our home, but things have changed and time marches relentless on.

My eldest daughter tonight went and got 2 tattoos. One on each wrist. For the moment I shall reserve comment.

I have reconnected with some dear friends via the Book of Faces recently. I have found myself of late longing for those days (admittedly through nostalgic eyes) so very long ago when life was so much simpler, times were so much simpler... you know when the greatest digital dilemma was how to stop the 12:00 on the VCR from blinking.

I could indulge myself and reveal just how mundane and destitute I perceive my life to be at the moment. In doing so, it might elicit some "pull your self up by your boot straps", or some other cliched response. I have discovered quite by accident (and from a dear friend from yesteryear) that it's okay to have an occasional case of the "F-its" where nothing seems to matter.

Basically of late, that's how I've really felt. Nothing I do seems to matter. I don't have a career anymore really. I don't influence that many people, hell I don't see face to face or even know that many people anymore.

The one thing that I truly do... and love doing at the moment is my participation in the Happy Valley Speak Easy podcast. What ever small wit I may poses, while having my balls busted by my brothers is a grand time, and I walk away with a huge smile every time we podcast. (The HVSE podcast can be found here. http://www.happyvalleyspeakeasy.com/live/podcast.php, Also available on iTunes and the Stitcher app.)

I can safely say, that the last 4 1/2 years has put me through the emotional, fiscal, temporal and spiritual ringer. What ever I once was before, I certainly am not now, because I don't know what I am now. I once thought I knew what I was going to do that day, and every day for the rest of my life. I partially defined myself to my job. It wasn't the noble endeavor of education or medicine. It was, however, something which came as natural as breathing. I savored everyday I did that work. It was challenging, exciting, difficult and extremely fun. That has been stripped from me and now I don't think I'll ever have that thrill for it again. Even now, I do contract work in that world, but my zeal for it has diminished the point of loathing what I do. I've lost a great deal part of who I was. There's a void and I don't know how I am going to fill it.

I've been blessed with a family who offers more often than not, breaks in the monotony of idleness. Children have a way of doing that. I have a wife who is very understanding, loving... more than I deserve. I am finding more than ever, what ever I thought I knew means absolutely nothing.

I share Dr. King's dream where we are all judged by our character, be it any "race", color, creed, gay, straight, bi, what ever... I don't care how people identify themselves because I've always seen people as human being, until they prove themselves otherwise through their actions. We are all human, flawed in so many ways.. and I am learning mine in painful steps... Hopefully the lessons aren't that hard anymore.